Hello My Loves~

 

As mentioned before, the statistics on Stage 4 metastasized breast cancer are grim—very grim. Still, I have reached a milestone which I think is a cause for celebration. The "average" patient diagnosed with what I've got lives for 18 months. Last week marked 18 months for me...which means with each day that goes by I am above average!!!!! 

I went to see my GP a few days ago (I check in every couple of months to let her see how I'm doing) and as she so eloquently put it, "I've got news for you: you're not dying, you're living." No kidding? Spent some time at the SYC Friday night with my loyal sidekick Pam.  We ran into a woman down there whom I adore...a true LADY in every sense of the word...someone I aspire to be like when I "grow up". And this woman said to me, "The thing that amazes me is every time I see you, you are smiling—and genuinely smiling." That's because when everyone sees me, I'm not wrestling alligators...let me explain...

 

Eighteen months ago I received the mind boggling news that I had been chosen to wrestle alligators. I have no formal training in wrestling alligators, had never studied the technique, and--let's face it--was often chosen last in gym when picking teams. Still, the telegram came and wrestling alligators it was. My life continued on the same course, except for periodically I would have to excuse myself from the norm, leave the room, and wrestle alligators. My friends and family are not allowed to come watch my matches, and I try to tell them about them, but the words are often hard to come by. Going for monthly IVs which render me on the sick couch is difficult. Going for scans every three months to monitor the beast is excruciating... and getting harder and harder each time. I cannot even begin to describe the fear and anxiety that accompanies a late-stage cancer diagnosis... yet, I continue to try. People look at me funny when I try to explain that I wrestle on the side...surely I must be joking...I look too good (too healthy) to be serious. I don't APPEAR as though I've just returned from a death defying match. Still, if you look a little closer, I am somewhat disheveled, move a little slower, and the sparkle is sometimes a bit duller than it used to be.

 

I try to remember with everyone I encounter, that we all have our alligators to wrestle.  My hope is that one day I'll be standing with my fellow Hot Cancer Babes at a huge yard sale...a yard sale jampacked  with alligator shoes, belts, handbags, boots, etc. Until that day, we will all continue to hold hands and get back out there in the ring.

 

"The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful."

 

Be well, I love you~

Colleen